Today I am writing out my dreams, my goals and the things I am grateful for and anything that may be stopping me from achieving them. There is a very good reason behind this. I have that lump in the throat feeling and I finally figured out what it is.
See since Rob died, at varying times I have this feeling in my throat like I cannot swallow, it’s a very real and intense pain like a knot or a knife and nothing seems to relive it. At times I have resorted to taking pain relief to try to shift it. I wondered if I had some kind of condition.
Then one day some really amazing friends came around and just asked how I was doing and how they could help and their offer was real. They let me be real and they took and drove my kids an hour into town so I could do what I needed to do and it wasn’t a chore and I didn’t owe them and they listened and they agreed that doing all that I was doing was tough on my own. And as I got real with them about the struggle I noticed my lump loosened, my shoulders loosened and as they left, so did the lump in my throat! What just happened? It was a miracle!
So I looked it up.
It turns out that the lump in the throat feeling has a name. Not the best name, but a name. ‘Globus Hystericus’ or ‘globus Phayngis’ first noted by Sigmund Freud as anxiety or stress related. This doesn’t mean you are nuts! But there may be some unresolved or unexpressed emotions, thoughts or feelings that need expression.
A psychologist, lecturer and author Tony Humphreys wrote a great article about it and he noted that what a person with this condition really needs is a place of emotional safety and support to SPEAK what until this time has been unspeakable. It made sense! We can talk about the pain in our throat but often it is too difficult to talk about the trauma or unexpressed grief we are experiencing.
So today’s encouragement is to find a place where you are free to speak about the pain, trauma, grief and struggle and surround yourself with people who will stand in your corner with you and cheer you on.
People who believe in you and the dreams in your heart.
People who will let you speak.
If that is not available to you then consider journaling. Consider asking some questions of yourself. What am I afraid of expressing? What am I blocking?
Sometimes just a really good long walk where you allow yourself to talk to yourself can be a good idea. Once this is done, you will be surprised at how much better you feel. It works for me =)
Believing in you, Kate Lithgow.