Sunday night, three days ago, I sent my weekly video to those who have requested it. I spoke about one of the challenges I am personally having at the moment which I am describing as ‘spending an unhealthy amount of time looking back and wishing, wanting, desiring, stressing, grieving, longing for my life to go back to how it was, to how it use to be’.
I was at the top of my career, my calling, my chosen vocation.
I was the Pastor of an outstanding Church, traveling the world training ministers, establishing schools and humanitarian programs oversee’s, a key note speaker at many events both within Australia and other nations and I was serving on the National Executive of our movement…. and I could go on with this list.
On June 17th 2016, I had to face a hard truth; the brutal reality that I was mentally unwell and therefore unable to continue in my role(s) for an undefined period of time. It was that day that my life dramatically changed; my dreams ended and my identity died.
I could give you lots of spiritual explanations that would appease many of the religious reading this, but that is not this week’s focus. I want to come out from behind the happy family posts on Facebook and honestly and openly share that the past 12 months have been so excruciatingly horrible that I don’t even know how to explain it.
Who am I now? What did I do that deserved this? Does anyone care?
I thought God and I were pretty close? When will the pain stop?
In the video I posted on Sunday night, I asked people to send me emails letting me know how they have moved forward and some keys they have found to be successful for them. To those who have written, thank you, your stories were so moving and indescribably helpful.
There is no question that I am 100 times healthier now than I was 11.5 months ago (I literally lived out the keys from my UNSTUCK eCourse to get better). There is also a deep desire in me to embrace a new identity and to become all that God still has for me. But how does one do this while longing for the past?
I have sat with hundreds of people over the years and discussed this very thing.
When a partner or loved one dies there is not only their death but the death of hundreds of secondary things like dreams, companionship, soul mates, travel partners, confidants, besties, lovers, supports, shared moments and on and on the list goes.
And like me, most struggled with the need to stop fixating on the past, to stop staring excessively into the rear vision mirror to what was and to embrace the new normal.
I would love to hear from you on your experiences and what or who made a significant impact on seeing you become the new you…I will publish them in the weeks ahead (anonymously) to help all of our Oh My Greif readers.
Loss is painful, especially when we deeply loved that which has gone. But, I am still convinced (and even more so now) that we can and must learn to LIVE WELL WITH GRIEF.
I just wish the process was easier and quicker, don’t you?
By Steve Morison